I have never seen myself as having courage in great quantities. If I were to describe myself with respect to courage; I would use words such as timid, shy, introverted, cautious and reserved. And even when I seem outgoing, it is not my natural tendency and not comfortable to me. I don’t like making new friends and talking to people I don’t know. I hate conflict and confrontation and I don’t like being the center of attention. I’d rather sit in the corner. Since I don’t feel like a courageous person; I think that I why I have admired courage in other people. So often I have prayed for courage. That I might be bold in sharing my faith or that I would have the courage to be obedient and to go and do what God has called me to. Some truths have recently become clearer to me.
Number 1: Jesus said “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.” (John 15:7)
Number 2: “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6).
God is slowly answering my prayer and doing good work in my life and I trust He will continue until Christ comes for me. I believe one reason I cannot see courage in myself is because I possess too much pride. Pride is often considered a good virtue. Many times someone can seem courageous, but behind it lies pride. I have this strong feeling that I have to prove myself. I don’t like to talk to people or go new places because I don’t want to look like “the new person” or like I’m completely lost or even like I don’t know what I’m doing. I will struggle with something for hours before I will finally ask for help. All because I have so much pride that I don’t want to admit I can’t do it myself. This makes me persistent, yes, but not courageous. As I learn to humble myself in a new place and with new job, I can finally see some courage in myself. 1 Peter 5:6-7 “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
Courage and bravery usually involve some sort of personal sacrifice. We call our soldiers brave because they give up their lives, families, and security to defend our nation. I moved away from everything I knew and stepped out in obedience. I have been called brave and courageous many times these past few weeks. People can’t seem to believe that I came all the way out here for a new job when I’m only 23. It surprises people that I can live here where I have no family and don’t really know anyone yet. It surprises people I meet that I can walk into a new church by myself and just put myself out there. I’ll let you in on a secret. Every new situation I’m in scares me to death and I’m in new situations every day. But I really have no choice. I must be bold in order to survive in a new place. Shouldn’t our daily lives be like that? If we obey Christ we need daily courage to walk by faith. Amazing things can happen when you “put yourself out there” and allow God to work. I love the quote from the book If you Want to Walk on Water You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat By John Ortberg -- "For someone who wrestles with worry and doubt and yet still obeys, trembling but trusting-- that is true courage."
My hope and prayer is that I continue to learn humility and God daily gives me the courage to follow him wherever He may lead me.
